erm… i dunno what to call this…

self-realization?
self-discovery?
err… what else…
i dunno.
but does it really matter?

we live in a time where everyone is trying to tell us who to be, how to act, what to do, what to say, blahblahblah… the list goes on and on and on. which sounds like it could be making our lives easier, right? i mean, we dont have to think about anything, cause someone is always telling us what to do!

but, i find myself in a state of constantly being unfulfilled. i feel like because someone is always telling me who i’m supposed to be, i’m not turning into the person that i was meant to. how am i supposed to develop into an individual when everyone is always trying to control what i’m doing?

we’re all at the stage in our lives when we wonder.
who am i?
do i matter?
what am i supposed to be?
how can i make a difference?

because really, that’s what life is all about. just being yourself. mattering to others. but how can you be yourself when you dont know who you are?

what i think is funny, is we’re all trying to get somewhere, but we have no idea where we’re going. i sure as hell dont know what i’m doing. we’re all kind of running around with too much direction. someone is always trying to point you one way or another, pulling you away from where someone else is trying to push you. i actually wrote a song with a line about that in it, but i wasnt really sure how to explain it until now…

i’ve been moving forwards
bending over backwards
tied to all positions
means you’ll never feel alone

we’re all kinda getting pushed around, bending over to try and help other people when we don’t even know what we want. while it’s all well and good to try and help others out, should we not understand what we want? should you not understand how to get where you’re going before you’re capable of helping someone else?

we try to please everyone so we can feel fulfilled ourselves, but without proper guidance how can we help each other? we’ll always be alone if we try and go where everyone is pointing us because we’ll jsut keep running the same circle. meaning we’ll end up not only dizzy, sick, and confused, but also right back where we started.

so how can you find out who you are? i’m still trying to figure that bit out myself. i think you just have to listen to yourself. think before you act. try and understand what you’re going to do before you do it. ask yourself questions before you do anything.

is what i’m doing right?
how will this affect myself and others?
where will this take me? and do i want to go there?
what happens if i do nothing?

sometimes, it’s nice to just sit back and see where life takes you. but that doesn’t mean you sit on your ass the whole time and let it come to you. sometimes you have to take life by the balls and squeeze. you can get any orange juice without squeezing the orange, right?

so people, how can you find out who want to be? sometimes, it’s not necessarily about what you want to be. sometimes it’s what you DON’T want to be. like… i dont want to be an astronaut cause i’m afraid of open space. or i dont want to be a landscaper cause i hate manual labour. sometimes, if you know what you dont want, it’s easier to figure out what you do want to be.

i’m still trying to figure out where i’m going. and it’s a scary thing. i dont know who i am, and i dont know what i’ll become. i just hope my friends can stick around for the ride.

lovelovelove